How To Make It In America 2.05

A short recap 'n thoughts, right here:

-This week's angst is brought to you by Nine Inch Nails Whisky... drink to the man you know you can never be: Crisp needs to sell to someone. But they have to convince some beautiful midwestern chicks to buy their stuff. How are you supposed to focus on selling t-shirts when these women keep sticking their sex-appeal in the audience, I mean, Cam and Ben's faces?. Also, going to parties is really hard when you have to deal with the presence of the guy who is piping your ex-girlfriend. Give it up for the boys though: they continue to put in maximal effort, and it has just now begun to pay off! All about that grind, as they say.

-Whoever 'they' are, they need to shut the fuck up.



-A fantastic 9 out of 10 on the 'this looks like Entourage, except about jeans' similarity scale. Drinking in exclusive clubs while name-dropping other ones, making women swoon despite a lack of any perceivable charm (Cam tries way too hard with that shit), and not one, not two, but three scenes involving breasts? Oh and I forgot, everyone worth knowing knows who Ben and Cam are, because being on the scene is easy when you're aspiring and broke. All we needed was an antagonistic Seth Green and it would have hit 10 out of 10, the perfect match. Luckily, a perfect match means Johnny Drama runs out naked with a carrot cake at the end of the episode, so that was more a close call than anything else.

-Obvious note to fellow NYC cab-users: despite appearances otherwise, cabbies will not let you consumate your romantic dealings in the car. You can make out, feel around, and even sneak your hands into each others' nether regions, but the cutoff for 99% of drivers seems to be straddling and/or dress-hiking. In any case, props to Ben for correctly going with the older, wealthier woman.

-Relevant quote, used as explanation for previous assertion: "OPRAH'S HAVING MY BABY"

-They took Ziggy Sobotka and turned him into a sartorializing horticulturalist hipster from *surprise* Bushwick. All that would be fine and dandy if they hadn't made him play a dandy. Pardon my Roaring Twenties colloquialisms. When I first saw Zig, I thought we were getting the eternally messed up character (and real life person, if my sources are correct) that he played in the docks of Baltimore. Boy was I wrong. Ziggy, who goes by Tim on the show and James Ransone in whatever 'real life' is, is all deep and conflicted, because life is so hard out there but I can take solace here with my plants. This is a total miscast, a misguided attempt by HBO to take care of one of their own, and riding around on bicycles isn't going to get me faux-nostalgic enough to like Zig as a hipster.

-The hipster bike tour- does shit like that really happen in Brooklyn? I get it: no place like NY, being drunk is fun, light exercise usually leads to neurochemical release. But the only people I could imagine getting so into a bike ride are former quadriplegics (very small, possibly nonexistent group).

-Kid Cudi cannot act. I say this not because I'm biased, but rather because the act of 'putting your head down and looking at the ground while delivering most of your lines' is just sad to watch. That's alright though, it's not like they're feeding him (or, really, anyone else) good lines. At least he tried to brand his weed spray? Grasping for straws...

-They didn't show Lake Bell topless. What's the point of watching, really?